I’m between a rock and a hard place.
Wanting to keep promises I can’t keep.
Stuck between my desire to be honorable and responsible
Tired of being the one whose shoulders the world rests on.
I’m worn out and used up.
Everyone thinks they know what I’m feeling
But how could they, when I’m not really sure.
Gasping for air, secretly hoping I drown
Because then the pain ends.
Fighting back because it’s the “right” thing to do
Because I’m wired that way.
In the immortal words of Charlie Sheen,
“If you don’t want to get hurt, just pretend you don’t have a heart”.
My problem is my heart beats on my sleeve
Where everyone can see it…
Sometimes I just want to be small, fit in pocket
But I really want to be huge, brighter than the sun
But not for egos sake, but because I really believe
God’s got a bigger plan for me and expects better of me.
That’s the worst part.
Disappointing Him and not really caring.
The Creator of the Universe breathed greatness into my chest
The day I was born, whispered it in my ear
And every time I fall short, I want to run and hide, instead
Of sitting in His lap, telling Him everything (He already knows anyway.)
Sometimes I envy Jonah, God used a whale to swallow him.
Unfortunately I lock myself in a room full of self-loathing
Trying to prove my merit as a man, wanting to be known for
Something special, to be noticed and respected,
A picture of perfection that really is just a shattered mirror.
Why can I see the greatness in others, like a laser in my eyes?
Believing in them more than gravity (it’s just a theory after all)
But not believe in my own value?
It’s simple…I’m not listening to the Creator anymore,
But my own doubts.
God calls me a Prince, Chosen, The Apple of His Eye, Special, Lovely, Friend.
I think I need to focus on what HE has to say.
My simple prayer…